My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
