the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
only you would photoshop your dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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