is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
