true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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