Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
