I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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