K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
