I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
