I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
