Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
