Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
