You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
