I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need to sanitize my soul.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
