Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
