I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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