Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize