I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
