what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
