Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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