Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
