Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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