Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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