I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
