i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
