I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
