I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
