So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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