Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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