we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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