I can tuck mytits in my pants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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