i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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