Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
