gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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