Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
