Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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