well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
