Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
