I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
