is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
