If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
