It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
