I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i now understand why vodka
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
