Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
