I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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