I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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