I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
