My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
