Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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