i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize