so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
