So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
