It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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