the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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