he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
