if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
