i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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