on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
