I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
