am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry about my life...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
