Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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