She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize