come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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