I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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