one might say we're banned from that church
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
that is very illegal...i love you.
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