Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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