So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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